Month: March 2020

Ammi and I loved watching movies……till I got married. When I was 8 or 9, she used to tell me how she used to be in awe of the heroines of yesteryears and write to them. It was an era of pen pals and she would find their physical addresses and write those fan letters. Of course they replied back and Ammi very lovingly pasted their autographed photograph on one side and their letters on the other side. I used to read those and find that special as its a taboo today. Her favorite actress was the Tragedy Queen – Meena Kumari. Ammi never remembered their dialogues but she would remember their dresses and hair styles. Ammi had long thick hair which she could braid or make hairdos with. It always suited her demure, heart-shaped faces. A little kohl in her eyes, an eyeliner and a lipstick. Ammi would look perfect as if dressed for the ball.

After I finished my graduation, I got to spend a lot of time with her when we would bring DVDs of old movies to watch together. 3 would be the regular number per day. We would start a movie at 9 pm after dinner was done with and the dishes were cleaned and dried. Then I would sit with her and along with a bowl of roasted chestnuts, dried melon seeds or pine seeds we would enjoy old classics like Awara, Anari, Babul, Chhalia etc….we would actually watch 2 movies each night and yes she used to be up at nights till 3 so she enjoyed watching the black & white movies. We would choose a hero or heroine and get 3 of his/her movies. I have seen mostly all with Ammi. She used to croon old tunes and I too learned them all. She also had a fncy for actresses like Sadhana, Madhubala, Nargis, Nutan etc. Dilip Kumar and Raj Kapoor were her favorites. We have seen all of Raj Kapoor classics, Dilip kumar at his best, even Raaj Kumar, Dev Anand, Shammi Kapoor, Kishore Kumar ……Her favorite singer was Talat Mehmood and she used to always sing : ” Seene mein sulagte hain armaan” A melancholy song but that was the only one she used to sing a lot. Abbas and I used to tease her with a Dev Anand song which she sang for fun and we used to make fun of that. We had a recording of hers….(have to find that !) The song was ” jiya ho….jiya ho jiya kucch bol do” and when she would sing, it brought out laughter always.

When Caravan a compilation of 15000 old songs, came along, I had ordered it for her 72nd birthday for January 15th, 2020. Yes 2020 did come, but she did not step into it. December 30, 2019 took her away…..and our caravan simply stopped.

Woh har simt nazar mein samayi hai Woh ek khawab ban ke bhi nazron pe chhayee hai Zindagi hai kya? Bas kuch pal ka hi saath Zarra dekhun ya taara, ammi ki mehek hi aayi hai

She oozed sweetness and simplicity She is remembered for her compassion She surely was a rarity, profound and deep She told me “Live life” and make it your passion Her smile was infectiously caring An art that no one can understand She hid her worries behind her love and left them only in God’s hand Immaculately dressed always with a tinkle in her eyes Mom had people admire her to the core she would tell me to be proper in everything she taught me the littlest things galore Never did I hear her say impossible she strictly stopped me from the wrong things but solved each problem so lovingly my heart salutes her , rather it sings Ammi was an enigma which I know after she is gone her gestures, words and care not seen then if truth had emerged I would have held her on but will tell her when I see her in heaven

One of Ammi’s ( my lovely mom) lovely talents were her honest stories which made her successful. So I personally believe hard work is not the only key, you just have to be that naive and simple just like my ammi. Success followed her and her hardwork paid off as she gave her best always.

Ammi finished her graduation in Homescience, something she was always proud of saying: I did it from SNDT. Yes she was a homemaker and all her qualities attributed to those years of homescience. Its a degree every girl needs to do with or without a Certificate. It is what makes a girl all ready for her next home.It grooms her completely. When Ammi heard that nowadays there are “actual grooming” classes, she was aghast. “hamare waqt aisa nahin tha” ( we did not have it in our times) But she learned it the easy way. She used to be really scared of nanaabbu ( Maternal Grandfather) and rightfully so. He used to be a daunting figure in their lives, reprimanding them for even speaking an English word at home. Ammi was slapped just once in her life by him when she said “Please.” She said it once and he looked at her angrily and by mistake when uttered again, she got hit. That hit was near the stomach and Ammi said it made him realize his folly. As she had severe stomach pain for days and ended up with gall stones. That was her very first operation. She was very young. I dont remember the age, but ammi knew and I dont know who to ask !!!

Ammi hid from her father but her supporting and loving mother ( my nani- Naseema) only knew of such dark deep secrets. Ammi used to go learn typing ( yes on those Remington typewriters which were a bliss for writers then) She just wanted to learn something new. She was asked to come back on time before nanaabbu returned back from his business. When Ammi’s wedding date was fixed, she went over to invite her Typing teacher too. She had this beautiful caring attitude of remembering people who touched her in life. That was my caring Ammi Well her Typing teacher gave her the Certificate that she acquired through her secretive classes. Ammi got married and soon joined Baba in Kuwait. Back then it was a difficult time to earn . Ammi had me and very soon my naughty brother Abbas came along. Till then Ammi was teaching English in the Pakistani School here. Ammi’s English was flawless and excellent, the credits she gave to being in St. Agnes Convent. I used to be super impressed by her command over the language. She always told me read and write whenever you can.Yes she got me addicted to reading and my love for words had begun. Years later today I have been given a title ” Woman of Words- WOW”. But the first steps were taken by my mom who inculcated this passion in me.

But taking care of me and Abbas,(aged 2 and a month old). Luck came as a friend who told her a lady needs someone to type. Ammi’s secretive certificate came to the rescue and she soon had heaps of papers to type, file and send the next day. Being at home, it was a comfortable task and yes was she efficient at that!!! Most certainly. The plus point was that in a year and a half she was offered to work as Secretary at UNDP.Yes that honorable lady who had given her these home assignments worked there. Ammi landed her First and Only job, proved her worth as she was really meticulous and tidy. Later her skills at Finance, got her handling the accounts section. By 1985 she was a Senior Accountant there. But no the journey does not end here. 1990 saw Kuwait’s invasion by Iraq ( another story) and when Ammi returned back to be with Baba who was here right after the Iraq War, Ammi took up the challenge to build up the UNDP Office slowly day by day. She succeeded as the Finance Manager there, handling HR and also UNICEF. She reimbursed claims for compensation to many and am sure she got a Thank you and lots of duaas ( blessings) for her deed. Many a times I have heard people referring to her as the UN Lady. She had made a unique impact on lives of others and a name for herself. She was an icon to reckon with. She handled work, home and us efficiently. She was the super force in our household. She was our fulcrum which held things together. She was the glue which held us all together.

I must have been just special to her but she was the world to me. Our bonding lasted for 48 years and 7 months. She left us so suddenly, without a word leaving a void so deep and painful, that it gets difficult day by day to live without her. She was not just my my mom,but my soulmate, my best friend, confidante, my trust, my hope and the most beautiful lady in the world.

Childhood days I hid behind her for she was my Rock of Gibraltar. I knew she would protect, save me, lead me and be my guiding star. I had blind faith in her. There were moments of learning, be it embroidery, knitting, crochet or cooking, she always taught me lovingly and with patience. She often said she has none but I have seen her being patient in the most stressful times.Whatever she did, it was meticulous and fine. She was a perfect 10 figure who excelled at so many skills. I remember it was class 5, I had my final exams and had to submit a knitted muffler which I had started but was unable to finish. It was a mere 3 inches and the need was for a length of 25 inches . Ammi ( as I lovingly calling her) sat up that whole night post-dinner to finish that for me lest I get marked F for “fail” for my Crafts class. Another instance was when I was 8 years old had nothing new to wear for Eid and as is customary to wear a new dress for Eid, Ammi somehow found time to go buy a beautiful baby pink satiny and shiny material, No,she was NOT a seamstress, but she just placed another of my suits , took measurements on that satin and stitched me a suit complete with the trousers.Her presence of mind was amazing and she always knew how to find solutions. I think she may have been up late doing it but yes that was Ammi, an altruist, selfless and giving. She never said NO for anything , but just ” We will get it done soon”. And “Soon” always happened sooner. We had a happy childhood where a 1-bhk apartment always made us bond more. We played marbles in our hall, carrom, ludo, Snakes and Ladders,Monopoly, Play on Words and Scrabble to name a few. Those were the days my friend. And yes that was the song she loved to sing as she remembered Mary Hopkins. We used to watch many TV programs together. Ammi loved to wash, dry the seeds of melons and then later sit eating them. I too caught up on this habit. In urdu I later termed it as ” bekaari ke mashghiley”- translating to job for the idle.

Ammi loved listening to old Hindi filmi songs…Old is Gold she would ridicule the music of today For her,today’s music has no tune and is so meaningless. She would always relate songs and movies to someone’s birthday or a wedding saying ” This movie was released that year…..on that day…” her long term memory was excellent. She was an encyclopedia where birth dates or wedding dates were concerned. Sometimes she remembered what she had worn then or who else got married then or whose baby came along that year. She always connected this and told us in the form of a story. I familiarized myself with so many people within our community due to ammi who knew relationships so well. Now I realize if we do not have that, it is baseless meeting people if you dont know you are related. Today when I want to know about someone, or ask, I cannot to anyone else and Ammi does not answer me anymore !!!

She loved reading and got me addicted to it too. She used to get loads of magazines every week, some film related, others like Womens’ Special editions, Housekeeping, Knitting etc. My dad would get Urdu magazines and I who had become a voracious reader by 10 grabbed hold of anything that gave me snippets, news and gossip. I read under the blanket, on the kitchen floor, under the dining table or in the washrooms. I kept my novels within my School text books and read too. Thank you Ammi I surely owe you this lovely habit and so much more.

I miss you each and every moment of every day Ammi. I love you so much.

I loved being with you Ammi

My first love was her, my ‘dearest mom’ who held me in her arms the first time and as I opened my eyes I cuddled into her bosom, cooed and felt loved like I never did by anyone else in this world. Love is a feeling of joy, happiness and the fact that you want to be close to that person you love.For me it was a beautiful relationship with my mom Rizwana Aqueel. I called her Ammi and we used to call each other 5-10 times a day just to ask silly things like ” How do you make the bhindi?” or ” How much gram flour goes in the curry? She would tell me: My dish does not turn out like yours and I would say: Ammi my dish is never as tasty as yours. She was my biggest critic and I was her biggest fan. I used to admire her ways of dressing up so immaculately. A little kohl in her eyes and a bright lipstick to highlight her fair face is all she would do but look ravishingly beautiful. Her curly black hair around her heart shaped face to her graceful walk her demure stature to her beautifully shaped hands, her poise to her smiling face, just incomparable to anyone. I told her she looked like Madhubala, but she would say her favorite is Meena Kumari, She would say I have her hands but I never saw them till now when I miss her so much and find her in me…bit by bit, she lives within me. During the landline telephone days, people calling for her would always mistake my voice for hers so I guess we had the same voice. But she would say, you sing better than me and I would say you speak better than me. Our little nok-jhok ( banter) was what kept our Love Story alive. My lovely ammi, I feel I appreciated you less, I loved you less, I missed you less, I cried for you less, but now I only miss each and every moment I lost not to tell you how much I love you. My World my fulcrum, my reason for being here is no more….My love and respect has gone multi-fold for a precious and unique person like you.Yes you were ” Nayaab” It means RARE and yes there is none like you at all. Where ever you are, Ammi I wish the best for you….I see you smiling in the clouds, I see this twinkling star each evening and I know you are looking back at me. I feel sometimes its a dream and I will wake up. No pinches to myself can bring you back…but I wish that I could revert back before 30th December 2019…..and hold on to those moments forever.