Category: ammi

Me : “Ammi how do you temper your daal ( Lentil curry)? Ammi : “Temper it after its cooked”. Me : ” No wonder mine is not so tasty. ” Me : ” Ammi the tomato chutney you make has a peculiar flavour. Mine is not so. Ammi : “Did you add onion seeds?” Me: (slapping my head) ” No wonder I was not getting the crunch” Ammi : “Hey I love your yoghurt curry. How is it so colorful?” Me: ” ammi I learnt it from you and my variants are working well. I will tell you how. Ammi liked what I made and I loved her cooking. If I would give her a tip, she would never try it saying it will spoil her cooking. But if it was a new recipe, she would make it the way I would tell her and then say : ” tere jaisa nahin bana” ( it did not come out the way yours does). I would laugh and tell her. OK I will cook for you and my family, You cook for me ONLY.

Ammi: “How do you reply to whatsapp messages?” Me: ” Ammi here is the option. Just click here. This is for forwarding and this is for saving messages”. After a few days…… Ammi: “You are not telling me how to download videos. I have so much on my gallery. How do I remove them?” Me: ” Here ammi, I have deleted some of your photos and videos” Ammi (aghast): No please dont do that. I want to see each of them. Why did you delete. I may have missed something important” ME:” Ammi I deleted only those which you had double or more of. See everyone is sending you the same forward. Your mobile is saving it all in the gallery. So you have to at least remove the duplicates to make space in your mobile.” Ammi:” But you may have removed some of my good photos or forwarded messages. Me:” OK let me show you how to delete from your gallery directly and you should see your messages everyday. All are not important . They are jokes or fun shares. Ammi loved to store and save each and every little thing of hers. And eventually she thought of something more adventurous. She created a whatsapp group for the family. She made her grandson add all family members and then she would see messages, forward to us on that group and then delete them. Innovative right ? Well that was ammi. Living in the little things that gave her happiness in life. The fact that we all had to see her shared messages is a different story. We would sleep at night and by morning we had 150-200 messages from Ammi. ( She had finally deleted some from her bulk of 2000 plus) Ammi:” How do I download apps? Me: Which one do you want in particular? Ammi: ” Put the Scrabble app , Sudoku, TikTok, News apps.” Me: ” Ammi it will fill your space again. First delete all the extra things you have in your gallery. ( She would say she has no time but will do it) Me: Ammi let me do it for you. Ammi:” No, I might miss some important forwards. Back to square ONE Ammi:” yesterday I was showing your father some video. It was a nice one on some poets. God knows what he touched? He has deleted most of my messages. ” Me ( laughing”: Ammi if you dont know what is deleted, you dont know what you had. So just let it be. If it is important , you will get it again. And of course your friends will definitely send you more. See them and enjoy. That was my Ammi always fearing for losing something she did not know she had or did not have!!!

When my parents shifted recently into a bigger house, I used to be there each morning to help her sort all those cartons. Ammi:” ” I have so much saved here , I should start discarding and throwing away the non-essentials”. Me: ” lets start with these Audio cassettes which are no longer needed (about 10000 of them). Its the age of USB and CDS. Ammi : ” No, I will listen to them and see which I dont need.” ME: (chuckling) ” How would you find the time? Ammi: ” Every night if I hear one, I will be able to discard soon”. Me: ” What about these files? These are emails sent to you 20 years back. they are useless jokes, religious forwards which you have and these box files are occupying so much space.” Ammi: ” No, please keep them. I will check each and every one and then only throw.” Me: ” Ammi these are old shawls from 30 years back”. Let us give some away. Ammi: ” Yes when I go to India I will give them to the poor.” Me: ” All these things you are going to organize and put into these cupboards, then what will you discard? ” You need to declutter. Its a nice way of bringing positive energy in the house and throwing away the negative one…………………………” Ammi : ” No, now your father is much better. I will try and sort things out”

Ammi loved to save, store and keep things of really non-essential value. It made her think they are important. We used to make fun of that but now realize why she held on to them. They reminded her of her years passed, her saving things was like a hold on. She passed away exactly 4 months after they shifted. All her memorabilia is still lying around. I dont have the heart to throw anything now. She did not take a thing with her. She left all these and more memories with us here. Even a piece of her handwriting is of essential value for us now. Even a scrap where she may have written a note…..a tiny picture torn at the edges is important……her saris which she had from more than 20 years smell of her…..her side of the bed where I found her most evenings is a place I like to touch….her cushion which I gifted her ” World’s Best Mom” emanates her presence……her pictures seem vivid and live speaking to me, calling my name……How can we dispose anything now? People just go away but their things and memories stay etched and remind us of them daily…… People say I have her smile, her voice, her shadow in me……..I also save just like her. ( Thinking I will throw the non-essentials one day……but everything seems important) Of course, I do my cluttering but I still keep a lot…..I am just like my mom. My Vitamin M…..She is the only essential factor in our lives

When I finished Post Graduation and returned back to Kuwait, I had the most exciting 2 years of my life staying with Ammi and Baba ( My parents). Till I got a job, I used to have lazy mornings sleeping from 5 am -12 pm. Then I would get up, pray and get in the kitchen to cook up for my parents who would return by 2.30. Back then there was nothing called google nor you tube to help the poor me to dish out anything new. And since I was a newbie, I just experimented with a few things and made some wholesome meals as well as some jhatpat ( quick ones) like fried masala potatoes, spinach soup, chicken tikka masala etc.

Evening time after praying, Ammi liked going for a walk and yes I accompanied her where we used to have a whole hour and 15 minutes talking about various things. She used to worry that I wont get a suitable match. She used to talk about who is getting a baby to who is getting engaged. She would talk about so many people and tell me about relatives and name those I have not seen or heard of! She was a genealogy tree! Sometimes we would miss an evening walk either due to a serial we both wanted to watch or were busy in the kitchen. So we would go for early morning after fajr (morning prayer) walks. I used to hate being woken up at that time but I would not let her go alone. It used to be so refreshing and lovely so I woul be tempted to go. Then the frequency got less after I got married but Ammi would diligently go. Sometimes I would find time and accompany her. Our houses were on 2 parallel streets and 2 minute walk away.

After my kids were born , life took a U-turn when I could not find time to go for walks but Ammi used to…. carrying a small walkman in which she used to load a cassette and hear the whole way using ear phones. She had this cute habit of walking with her head down. She hated the sound of traffic honking and to avoid eve-teasers she would never look up. One day I along with my family were in a car stuck up in traffic and we saw Ammi walk by. We kept honking. My husband called out to her. I called her name but she did not look up. Later when we told her, She said she thought bad men were teasing her. We were in roars with her answer.

One day as she was walking, she misjudged the path and did not see a huge trunk of a tree and hit her head and shoulder so hard on it, that she fell on the ground. Luckily for her there were no more injuries and she returned home. She hardly carried her cell phone and did not have one that day either. That pain was an excruciating one and when Iodex, Moov and other home tips and ointments did not lessen it, she went for an X-ray. She had a whole ligament torn and needed a surgery. Yes it was a painful one and a long one. The healing itself was for a year. The only thing she was worrying about was how to take care of Baba who was bed-ridden due to his various injuries. But Ammi proved to be brave again, so much so that she fought the pain, did her physiotherapy courses and took extra care of herself.

As I shifted 15 minutes by car away from her house, I started my walks along the Beach front. My walks had my music with me but on several occasions when Ammi was free, either she would return my calls back or just simply call me. She was my walking companion. We spoke for that whole hour and she had stories to tell and things to discuss. She would tell me how her day went by. I used to go for my walks pre-quarantine, and always miss ammi so much. I am always guided by a shining star which I know is Ammi looking back at me, protecting me and being my walking companion again….

Since I understood birthdays, we used to celebrate Ammi’s birthday on January 15th. She was a Capricornian. Her birthstone Garnet and she used to always wear a huge Garnet pendant which I loved. She had “earth” as her element which she shared with me ( Taurus). But unlike me, she did not have a green thumb nor did she grow her own gardens. My dad used to do it and she loved greenery around her. But when the first rains hit the ground and the strains of “actinomycetes” in the soil give out the petrichor (sweet smell after rains) Ammi loved it as much as I do. She used to inhale it if she were in a garden or in Mumbai….She would tell me : ” I love that smell !!! It brings my childhood back”

Ammi shared her birthday with my eldest cousin sister. Nikhat apa. They both have traits of practicality, compassion, self-reliance and hard-working. They both had a liking for each other and always gelled well. Ammi got married and was in Kuwait in 1970 when Nikhat apa was a 5 year old toddler. Ammi liked kids around her. With us she used to love reading stories to. When I had the chicken pox at 9 years of age, Ammi who used to work for UNDP, asked Nikhat apa to baby sit me. She was very protective of us and trusted Nikhat apa completely. Ammi was supposed to attend Nikhat apa’s son Munsif’s wedding on January 4th, 2020 but she never saw the light of day of 2020

8 years back, my maternal uncle found Ammi’s birth certificateand sent it to her. Guess what her birthdate turned out to be? 14th January. It was a shock to most of us. All these years she was celebrating on the 15th and suddenly its a day earlier ! Well apparently the faux pas was made by my mother’s grandmother when she was born. Ammi arrived after 8 pm. In the Muslim calendar if you are born after sunset, the next date is assumed as the birth date and so it was. But I told ammi : ” Now we have two occasions to celebrate” We want two parties and Double Celebrations” She quipped : ” OK, I want 2 gifts !”

Ammi left us on December 30, 2019 and did not wait to see her 72nd birthday. We celebrated it quietly with Pizza from Pizza Hut as she loved those. Then we had a huge crying session together with fond memories of her and talking about that dreadful day when she was snatched away. I had planned to buy her an armchair which had the option of turning into a couch. She loved to sit on it at my home and I was looking forward to seeing her happily in that. Man proposes and God disposes…..

Not a minute of any day goes by without you in my thoughts my dearest Mom. I hope you are in the highest echelons of heaven and showering your love from there. They say the pain will slowly fade away but its only those who go through it who realize what pain is!

Its another evening, dark and thundery The clouds seem daunting loud and roaring I feel I hear my name in the silence must be my mom , definitely she is calling

We had so many arguments and more undone So much to learn from each other always With her composure, calm and cool yes she could get angry on some days

Her voice is a far-etched hollow in my ears I hear her calling my name in my sleep She was an enigma, a rarity always She will always remain a mystery so deep

She and I disagreed on parenting too I would tell her , her methods are old but then would realize my folly! Hey she is my mom yes she has learnt the hard way from stories untold.

Ammi missed her mom, a lady gone too early I was 2 months old and my mom was just 23 then She hardly spent the time with grandma the way I did with her but our memories are what stay eternally golden

Each night I ask for her like I did as a child I never really grew up ammi though I have my 3 girls I came back to you in the middle of the nights You knew how to calm me amongst my swirls

Each second of each day I ask God to keep you safe in heaven I know you are watching me with your love from above its been three months since you breathed your last in my arms Come back ammi, I want to tell you how much you are loved

Ammi and I loved watching movies……till I got married. When I was 8 or 9, she used to tell me how she used to be in awe of the heroines of yesteryears and write to them. It was an era of pen pals and she would find their physical addresses and write those fan letters. Of course they replied back and Ammi very lovingly pasted their autographed photograph on one side and their letters on the other side. I used to read those and find that special as its a taboo today. Her favorite actress was the Tragedy Queen – Meena Kumari. Ammi never remembered their dialogues but she would remember their dresses and hair styles. Ammi had long thick hair which she could braid or make hairdos with. It always suited her demure, heart-shaped faces. A little kohl in her eyes, an eyeliner and a lipstick. Ammi would look perfect as if dressed for the ball.

After I finished my graduation, I got to spend a lot of time with her when we would bring DVDs of old movies to watch together. 3 would be the regular number per day. We would start a movie at 9 pm after dinner was done with and the dishes were cleaned and dried. Then I would sit with her and along with a bowl of roasted chestnuts, dried melon seeds or pine seeds we would enjoy old classics like Awara, Anari, Babul, Chhalia etc….we would actually watch 2 movies each night and yes she used to be up at nights till 3 so she enjoyed watching the black & white movies. We would choose a hero or heroine and get 3 of his/her movies. I have seen mostly all with Ammi. She used to croon old tunes and I too learned them all. She also had a fncy for actresses like Sadhana, Madhubala, Nargis, Nutan etc. Dilip Kumar and Raj Kapoor were her favorites. We have seen all of Raj Kapoor classics, Dilip kumar at his best, even Raaj Kumar, Dev Anand, Shammi Kapoor, Kishore Kumar ……Her favorite singer was Talat Mehmood and she used to always sing : ” Seene mein sulagte hain armaan” A melancholy song but that was the only one she used to sing a lot. Abbas and I used to tease her with a Dev Anand song which she sang for fun and we used to make fun of that. We had a recording of hers….(have to find that !) The song was ” jiya ho….jiya ho jiya kucch bol do” and when she would sing, it brought out laughter always.

When Caravan a compilation of 15000 old songs, came along, I had ordered it for her 72nd birthday for January 15th, 2020. Yes 2020 did come, but she did not step into it. December 30, 2019 took her away…..and our caravan simply stopped.

Woh har simt nazar mein samayi hai Woh ek khawab ban ke bhi nazron pe chhayee hai Zindagi hai kya? Bas kuch pal ka hi saath Zarra dekhun ya taara, ammi ki mehek hi aayi hai

She oozed sweetness and simplicity She is remembered for her compassion She surely was a rarity, profound and deep She told me “Live life” and make it your passion Her smile was infectiously caring An art that no one can understand She hid her worries behind her love and left them only in God’s hand Immaculately dressed always with a tinkle in her eyes Mom had people admire her to the core she would tell me to be proper in everything she taught me the littlest things galore Never did I hear her say impossible she strictly stopped me from the wrong things but solved each problem so lovingly my heart salutes her , rather it sings Ammi was an enigma which I know after she is gone her gestures, words and care not seen then if truth had emerged I would have held her on but will tell her when I see her in heaven

One of Ammi’s ( my lovely mom) lovely talents were her honest stories which made her successful. So I personally believe hard work is not the only key, you just have to be that naive and simple just like my ammi. Success followed her and her hardwork paid off as she gave her best always.

Ammi finished her graduation in Homescience, something she was always proud of saying: I did it from SNDT. Yes she was a homemaker and all her qualities attributed to those years of homescience. Its a degree every girl needs to do with or without a Certificate. It is what makes a girl all ready for her next home.It grooms her completely. When Ammi heard that nowadays there are “actual grooming” classes, she was aghast. “hamare waqt aisa nahin tha” ( we did not have it in our times) But she learned it the easy way. She used to be really scared of nanaabbu ( Maternal Grandfather) and rightfully so. He used to be a daunting figure in their lives, reprimanding them for even speaking an English word at home. Ammi was slapped just once in her life by him when she said “Please.” She said it once and he looked at her angrily and by mistake when uttered again, she got hit. That hit was near the stomach and Ammi said it made him realize his folly. As she had severe stomach pain for days and ended up with gall stones. That was her very first operation. She was very young. I dont remember the age, but ammi knew and I dont know who to ask !!!

Ammi hid from her father but her supporting and loving mother ( my nani- Naseema) only knew of such dark deep secrets. Ammi used to go learn typing ( yes on those Remington typewriters which were a bliss for writers then) She just wanted to learn something new. She was asked to come back on time before nanaabbu returned back from his business. When Ammi’s wedding date was fixed, she went over to invite her Typing teacher too. She had this beautiful caring attitude of remembering people who touched her in life. That was my caring Ammi Well her Typing teacher gave her the Certificate that she acquired through her secretive classes. Ammi got married and soon joined Baba in Kuwait. Back then it was a difficult time to earn . Ammi had me and very soon my naughty brother Abbas came along. Till then Ammi was teaching English in the Pakistani School here. Ammi’s English was flawless and excellent, the credits she gave to being in St. Agnes Convent. I used to be super impressed by her command over the language. She always told me read and write whenever you can.Yes she got me addicted to reading and my love for words had begun. Years later today I have been given a title ” Woman of Words- WOW”. But the first steps were taken by my mom who inculcated this passion in me.

But taking care of me and Abbas,(aged 2 and a month old). Luck came as a friend who told her a lady needs someone to type. Ammi’s secretive certificate came to the rescue and she soon had heaps of papers to type, file and send the next day. Being at home, it was a comfortable task and yes was she efficient at that!!! Most certainly. The plus point was that in a year and a half she was offered to work as Secretary at UNDP.Yes that honorable lady who had given her these home assignments worked there. Ammi landed her First and Only job, proved her worth as she was really meticulous and tidy. Later her skills at Finance, got her handling the accounts section. By 1985 she was a Senior Accountant there. But no the journey does not end here. 1990 saw Kuwait’s invasion by Iraq ( another story) and when Ammi returned back to be with Baba who was here right after the Iraq War, Ammi took up the challenge to build up the UNDP Office slowly day by day. She succeeded as the Finance Manager there, handling HR and also UNICEF. She reimbursed claims for compensation to many and am sure she got a Thank you and lots of duaas ( blessings) for her deed. Many a times I have heard people referring to her as the UN Lady. She had made a unique impact on lives of others and a name for herself. She was an icon to reckon with. She handled work, home and us efficiently. She was the super force in our household. She was our fulcrum which held things together. She was the glue which held us all together.

I must have been just special to her but she was the world to me. Our bonding lasted for 48 years and 7 months. She left us so suddenly, without a word leaving a void so deep and painful, that it gets difficult day by day to live without her. She was not just my my mom,but my soulmate, my best friend, confidante, my trust, my hope and the most beautiful lady in the world.

Childhood days I hid behind her for she was my Rock of Gibraltar. I knew she would protect, save me, lead me and be my guiding star. I had blind faith in her. There were moments of learning, be it embroidery, knitting, crochet or cooking, she always taught me lovingly and with patience. She often said she has none but I have seen her being patient in the most stressful times.Whatever she did, it was meticulous and fine. She was a perfect 10 figure who excelled at so many skills. I remember it was class 5, I had my final exams and had to submit a knitted muffler which I had started but was unable to finish. It was a mere 3 inches and the need was for a length of 25 inches . Ammi ( as I lovingly calling her) sat up that whole night post-dinner to finish that for me lest I get marked F for “fail” for my Crafts class. Another instance was when I was 8 years old had nothing new to wear for Eid and as is customary to wear a new dress for Eid, Ammi somehow found time to go buy a beautiful baby pink satiny and shiny material, No,she was NOT a seamstress, but she just placed another of my suits , took measurements on that satin and stitched me a suit complete with the trousers.Her presence of mind was amazing and she always knew how to find solutions. I think she may have been up late doing it but yes that was Ammi, an altruist, selfless and giving. She never said NO for anything , but just ” We will get it done soon”. And “Soon” always happened sooner. We had a happy childhood where a 1-bhk apartment always made us bond more. We played marbles in our hall, carrom, ludo, Snakes and Ladders,Monopoly, Play on Words and Scrabble to name a few. Those were the days my friend. And yes that was the song she loved to sing as she remembered Mary Hopkins. We used to watch many TV programs together. Ammi loved to wash, dry the seeds of melons and then later sit eating them. I too caught up on this habit. In urdu I later termed it as ” bekaari ke mashghiley”- translating to job for the idle.

Ammi loved listening to old Hindi filmi songs…Old is Gold she would ridicule the music of today For her,today’s music has no tune and is so meaningless. She would always relate songs and movies to someone’s birthday or a wedding saying ” This movie was released that year…..on that day…” her long term memory was excellent. She was an encyclopedia where birth dates or wedding dates were concerned. Sometimes she remembered what she had worn then or who else got married then or whose baby came along that year. She always connected this and told us in the form of a story. I familiarized myself with so many people within our community due to ammi who knew relationships so well. Now I realize if we do not have that, it is baseless meeting people if you dont know you are related. Today when I want to know about someone, or ask, I cannot to anyone else and Ammi does not answer me anymore !!!

She loved reading and got me addicted to it too. She used to get loads of magazines every week, some film related, others like Womens’ Special editions, Housekeeping, Knitting etc. My dad would get Urdu magazines and I who had become a voracious reader by 10 grabbed hold of anything that gave me snippets, news and gossip. I read under the blanket, on the kitchen floor, under the dining table or in the washrooms. I kept my novels within my School text books and read too. Thank you Ammi I surely owe you this lovely habit and so much more.

I miss you each and every moment of every day Ammi. I love you so much.

I loved being with you Ammi

My first love was her, my ‘dearest mom’ who held me in her arms the first time and as I opened my eyes I cuddled into her bosom, cooed and felt loved like I never did by anyone else in this world. Love is a feeling of joy, happiness and the fact that you want to be close to that person you love.For me it was a beautiful relationship with my mom Rizwana Aqueel. I called her Ammi and we used to call each other 5-10 times a day just to ask silly things like ” How do you make the bhindi?” or ” How much gram flour goes in the curry? She would tell me: My dish does not turn out like yours and I would say: Ammi my dish is never as tasty as yours. She was my biggest critic and I was her biggest fan. I used to admire her ways of dressing up so immaculately. A little kohl in her eyes and a bright lipstick to highlight her fair face is all she would do but look ravishingly beautiful. Her curly black hair around her heart shaped face to her graceful walk her demure stature to her beautifully shaped hands, her poise to her smiling face, just incomparable to anyone. I told her she looked like Madhubala, but she would say her favorite is Meena Kumari, She would say I have her hands but I never saw them till now when I miss her so much and find her in me…bit by bit, she lives within me. During the landline telephone days, people calling for her would always mistake my voice for hers so I guess we had the same voice. But she would say, you sing better than me and I would say you speak better than me. Our little nok-jhok ( banter) was what kept our Love Story alive. My lovely ammi, I feel I appreciated you less, I loved you less, I missed you less, I cried for you less, but now I only miss each and every moment I lost not to tell you how much I love you. My World my fulcrum, my reason for being here is no more….My love and respect has gone multi-fold for a precious and unique person like you.Yes you were ” Nayaab” It means RARE and yes there is none like you at all. Where ever you are, Ammi I wish the best for you….I see you smiling in the clouds, I see this twinkling star each evening and I know you are looking back at me. I feel sometimes its a dream and I will wake up. No pinches to myself can bring you back…but I wish that I could revert back before 30th December 2019…..and hold on to those moments forever.